What happens to libido when holiday rushing and decorating and partying take over? In the midst of all the chaos, have you found your oasis of joy?
In my life there is my adult child, new-ish boyfriend and extended community to consider. As I sought to get dinner in the oven one evening, I completely spaced that I was supposed to lead a group discussion. The meeting is somewhat informal so I was forgiven, but my brain’s ability to flip a switch and delete an obligation is noteworthy. It used to be that when I had multiple competing commitments, I would shut down and do none. I’d feel bad for a while and then come back out to play (show up) when the remorse passed. Sound familiar?
Fast forward through a decade and a half of therapy, and two years of coaching and coach training and now I’m free from excuses. I take responsibility for my words, my thoughts and my actions. When I mess up, I say so and seek to make restitution. So that means no more space for it’s-too-rainy, cold, hot, I-don’t-have-enough-gas, I-don’t-have-anything-to-wear nonsense. There is intention, commitment and results.
You know what else there is space for? Self-care. Have you heard “happy mother – happy family”? It’s up to me to make sure I’m a happy mother. That means making my requests known. Yes, actually saying out loud: would you please (note that is please, not pleeze ) empty the dishwasher, make the peanut butter balls, vacuum the living room, do the dishes, massage my neck, bring me a Guinness? What would make you feel miraculously supported? Ask for that. Keep your heart open and expect assistance.
Self-care for me meant Christmas shopping with my daughter, not by frantically buying gift cards at the last minute as in Christmases past, but browsing leisurely in a well-stocked local bookstore and learning of the poetry of Sappho. I gave myself the experience of relaxing with my daughter during the holidays. We did not push it by also buying a tree. We can add that experience later. I am pacing myself.
Are you worried about weight gain over the holidays? This may seem counterintuitive, but make sure you rest. Get your sleep requirement met. Take breaks to breathe and center your mind (you can call it meditation, if you want). Dance to your favorite music or try someone else’s. This is what my oasis consists of.
Remember that your libido is your joie de vivre and it’s for you. It is self-generated joy that overflows as love to those around you. Lastly, remember intention. What are you doing any of it for? Are your results what you’d like? I am available as a coach if you want to stop tweaking and start transforming.